My Veterans Day Salute

My salute begins with a huge "thank you" to all who have served or are presently serving our country.  I am ever grateful for your protection and devotion to duty.  And, to all our close friends who have served, I know what your work and sacrifice meant, and you are all heroes to me.

The focus of my salute today, though, is to one particular veteran; my husband.  While in the U.S. Navy, he braved combat duty in Vietnam twice, once before we were married and, again, a few months after our wedding.  The Vietnam War was new to everyone when he served his first tour, not monopolizing the headlines or causing protests at home.  In his letters to me, he didn't talk about the action much.  In later years, I understood why.

Unlike his father, my husband didn't come home to cheering crowds or waving flags.  By the time he was discharged, Vietnam had become a "dirty word" at home, and he was vilified for having been there.  He had lost his two best childhood friends in the war, and seen much more that prompted nightmares.  But no one wanted to hear about it.

It took decades before the public began acknowledging what our military endured in Vietnam and to give thanks to those men and women for their sacrifice.  My husband could finally wear his Vietnam Veteran status with honor, and there were many times he teared up when someone would thank him for his service there.

At the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, I have had to explain to our children why Daddy was crying as he stood there remembering those who fell.  He still suffers from medical problems, including PTSD. And it has only been recently that he has shared with me what really happened during that war, and when he did, we wept together.  But he left the house this morning proudly wearing his Vietnam Service medal.  What I've witnessed in him, and the way he survived, give me even more reasons to be proud of him.

I am only one of hundreds of thousands of Veteran relatives, no matter where their loved ones served, who know how much this day means to them.  Don't pass up an opportunity today to salute and thank a veteran.  And don't ever forget how lucky we are that they accepted the call.

An Anniversary Message

On this day nine years ago, our only son stood with the woman he loved, at the altar of an historic church in Lexington, Virginia, and vowed to love and honor her for life.  It was a perfect fall day, and we rejoiced at their union.  From the time we met Sande, we considered her the perfect mate for Sean; it took him a few years to figure it out.

He met her in a drama class at Florida State University and they became friends first, always the best way to discover a relationship, I think.  It wasn't until they were both graduates pursuing their careers, she in California and he in Chicago, that the spark ignited.

Since their marriage, their lives have taken several sharp turns and detours, some brought on by circumstances they couldn't avoid, and others by choices they made for the better.  They've managed to weather all of them. 

Adding to our delight, they completed their family nearly five years ago with the arrival of Fletcher.  That tiny dynamo gives another dimension to their lives, weaving entertainment, exasperation, exhaustion, but ultimately fulfillment into their world.  Observing them as they learn all the pitfalls and triumphs of parenthood brings back memories of Sean's childhood but also shows me how much more today's world demands when it comes to raising children.  I applaud their efforts.

In their hundred+-year-old bungalow, they've created a happy menagerie that includes cats and dogs, where even on the most chaotic of days, it is clear a loving family resides.  And it just seemed right, on their special day today, to tell them that I never cease to admire how they make it all work.

Sande and Sean, you are unique to yourselves, unique to our family, and we're all richer because you chose each other.  Happy Anniversary!        

The Query, The Synopsis Perfected - Almost

I've had a query letter written for quite awhile now; still haven't submitted to anyone.  Why?  Because I know it's not "good enough" yet.  I've been re-writing it for about a week, went to the library and did more research on just what a query should or should not contain, and I'm still not totally satisfied with my efforts.  I have, however, made the decision to polish what I have this week and then Just Do It - send it out to the first few agents I've targeted.

My synopsis is in a state of overwritten inertia as well.  I presented my rough draft of it to my writing group yesterday, apologizing in advance for its condition.  As usual, got honest critique - actually, I think they were kind considering the mess I presented to them - and I also got some excellent ideas on how to hone it into something that would interest an agent to read the actual manuscript.  So, I'm back to working on that today.

Bottom line to the above confessions: writing a query and a synopsis is ten times harder than writing my novel - and we all know what I've been through there!  So, to all you writers out there who are ready to submit your work and are getting ready to navigate the "query/synopsis storm", be assured as you struggle with them that you have not forgotten how to write!  It's just that so much depends on them, and you only get one shot, so it tends to paralyze your efforts and make you doubt yourself.  Don't let that happen. 

Wish me luck; I'm submitting this week.  Having that goal in my head is going to push me to get it right.  No excuses.  What I have to remember is; right doesn't necessarily mean perfect.

New Characters

I'm in the throes of working on the first draft of my new book.  I had a great idea for this one some time ago, and the members of my writing group agreed (which encouraged me) but I realized, after getting a couple of chapters down on paper, that I didn't know enough about my protagonist to make the story work.

In thinking about this dilemma, I reasoned that I've spent so many years honing the characters of my first novel I just wasn't "comfortable" with these new people I really didn't know.  This probably sounds strange to someone who isn't a writer but it's true.

My remedy for this kind of writer's block involved creating a written character backstory for each of the characters I've introduced in the first three chapters.  It included their physical characteristics as well as details like education, employment background, living arrangements, lifestyle, personality quirks, and specific life circumstances that occurred which place them in the situation we find them at the start of the novel.

Molding these backstories, I drew from both imagination and real life people, something every writer does.  It was fun, but also eye-opening because I suddenly found ways to craft the story that I hadn't previously considered - all based on who these people really were once they took on a "real life feel" for me.

This exercise has given me new interest in this project, and I'm proceeding with abandon now, as eager as I hope the reader will be to see how it all turns out.

Anniversary Weekend

Can't help myself - have to brag: my husband and I will be celebrating our 46th year of marriage tomorrow!  When people learn we're having an anniversary, they usually ask, "How many years?" and when they hear the answer, most respond with astonishment followed by a "Good for you!"

Definitely 'good for us'.  It hasn't always been easy but it's always been worth it, and I love that man more today than I knew it would be possible to love him when we said our "I do's" in 1965.  I think the past three years have been the most harrowing as far as finances are concerned, but we give thanks that we have a roof over our heads, the light bill is paid for and we have food in the pantry.  Our priorities change with the current situation - maybe we wish that weren't so - but we deal with it.

Take this weekend as an example of the resiliency of our relationship.  Because of two recent and unforeseen jobs my husband recently had (he's a freelance artist and those have been unheard of during this Great Recession), we had decided to splurge a bit going out for drinks and dancing this evening, then dinner out tomorrow night.  All those plans evaporated when we learned, on Friday afternoon, that all the money he'd made was going to have to go into unexpected car repairs.  Were we disappointed?  Of course.  Were we angry about our plight?  Briefly.

BUT.  Because we work constantly on helping each other weather the unexpected, it didn't take long for us to come up with an alternative, stay-at-home evening that would not require any money outlay but would give us some special time together to mark our important occasion.  No, it isn't what we planned but wishing things were different won't make them so, and expending energies moaning about it won't result in changing what can't be changed. So, with the strength of my partner, coupled with attitude adjustment on both our parts, we make do and enjoy what we can.

I don't want to sound like some wise sage, or somebody who is always happy about dealing with the unexpected; neither of those is true; I am human.  I've just learned, over many, many years of living with a man who can always make the worst situtation in the world livable - and who's taught me how to accept that edict - that as long as we never miss out on what could be because we're too busy lamenting what might have been, our marriage is the better for it.  And that's what we'll celebrate this weekend and toast to many, many more years of the same.

Piles of Books

The title of this blog describes the state of my study - and my bedside table - and my living room, on occasion.  My husband and I are avid readers, always have been (it's one of the things that made me know we were meant to be together), but I carry it to extreme.

I never go to the library without coming home with a bagful of new pages to read.  I'm always looking for work by new fiction writers - to check out my competition as I pursue selling my first novel.  I look at the new books section; something always catches my interest there.  I'm big on biographies, books on theatre, travel, history, how-to's on writing, books about writers, magazines that contain stories or info. I want to research, and the list could go on.

Once at home with my new stack of tomes, I peruse them all first and sometimes discard ones that prove to be not as interesting as I originally thought, or not very well written.  The rest I divide into books I need in the study for research, those I might read at night go into the bedroom, and a few are placed in the living room for scanning when I have some free moments or want reading matter while I drink my morning tea and examine the new day from my picture window.

My son, Sean, shares my affinity for never having enough books, and, when he is combing his local library, he usually has Fletcher (his almost 5-year-old) in tow, who will have his own pile of books and videos to check out.  I love that all the members of my family are voracious about books.  And I agree with Sean that always having a variety of things to read is a plus, and worth toting heavy book bags, and paying the occasional fine for the ones that get returned late.

I believe in the Stephen King maxim that a good writer is a good reader.  I feel I become a more accomplished writer every time I read a new novel, or discover something I didn't know about the world in the pages of nonfiction.   I never have a day when I don't read something.  I'm always rewarded by books, and I don't plan to change my habits in their regard. I recommend the practice highly - and having stacks like mine are not required!

First Day Of School

Our two older grandsons begin school this morning.  For one, it is a return to the same school he attended last year, now a sophomore therefore much wiser.  For the other, it is his first day of high school, luckily with some friends he made last year in middle school, but still a new experience - and he has to deal with the inevitable question from students and teachers: "Are you Alex's brother?"

I remember this social pattern from the times when our daughter (Alex's mom) and her brother were in the same position.  They were 3-1/2 years apart in age, so they were separated by a larger grade difference, but the question was always there for our son.  At times he didn't mind the comparison but, on occasion, he resented it, especially when it was a teacher who was asking.

The ramifications from such an innocent inquiry can range from teasing by a classmate to an unfair parallel being made about personality and intellectual acumen.  I don't remember any serious problems occurring because of it, but I do think it makes for one more adjustment in an already crowded social agenda.

Being an only child, I never had to deal with the question when I was in school.  But, it seems to me that a better way of getting to know someone in that "sibling situation" would be to say, "It's great to meet you.  Do you have any brothers or sisters who go to this school?"  That way, the new student has a chance to present himself and his sibling in a manner that makes him the topic of conversation rather than an addendum to someone else's personality.

Keep in mind, this is just a personal quirk of mine, and I hope I don't make too much of it.  I just feel that, in today's chaotic and complicated world, an adolescent doesn't need to worry about whether he measures up to what people expect of him before they even know him as an individual.

Your thoughts on the subject?  I'd love to hear them, including your own personal experiences.